sunshineface0014: assbutt-in-the-garrison: I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem. You can’t even see your problem.
Sext: I kiss you deeply as I lay you back gently on the bed, my hands roaming up your thighs, palms are sweaty, knees weak arms spaghetti.
maxterbate: maxterbate: Why dont you guys want Yahoo to buy Tumblr? Free chocolate milk for everyone i have just been informed on this
me in 7th grade: unattractive, socially awkward loser.
me now: unattractive, socially awkward loser with good taste in music.
deadpoolist: i have such good taste, i whisper to myself as i browse my own blog.
cornchipz: awkwardcontent: Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole. some people never develop beyond this stage.
meladoodle: zooey deschanel came on tv today and my dad said “whoops better change de schanel.”
when your green shell hits someone in Mario Kart:
turn-it-up-tune-them-out: artsysauce: sorry I can’t go to school tomorrow I fractured my motivation. Guys I said this to my dad once he laughed so hard he let me stay home.
dirkstridersbraces: firebending-turtleducks: dirkstridersbraces: one time i took a picture of a girl’s buttcrack in gym class and got sent to the assistant principal’s office and the school cop busted in asking where the drugs were because he had heard someone had crack on their phone and it was the hardest thing to tell him it was a buttcrack and not actual crack without laughing. i guess...
in third grade this kid got in trouble for saying “be free my niggas” when we released the butterflies.
deluminator: my brother just walked in here with a bunch of pancakes and was like ‘wow this is a whole lot of pancakes’ and then he closed his eyes and whispered to himself ‘but i am a whole lot of man’
thegayloki: danglingthpider: rabioheab: rabioheab: i hate americans and their stupid fahrenheit temperatures. i only made this post in the hopes that someone would reblog it with the caption “don’t fahrenhate” and you’ve all disappointed me greatly. don’t be a celsiass. its too fahrenlate.
whorville: If you whisper the answer to a question to me when I get called on we’re friends.
ponyboy-gold: i can’t stop thinking about this article i read today about an arabian guy who was deported for being too good looking and when i look at him i see that it really is a crime.
laugh-addict: i hate when people are like “oh it’s no big deal i’m just doodling” and it’s like
saying something dumb in front of a person you...
lolsofunny: lolfunniest: (lol here!)
nanoshinonome: nanoshinonome: all of my followers are dalmations cruella deville strikes again
bonesfeelcold: dinosaurs64: kardashitans: do you ever feel bugs on you when there are no bugs they’re the ghosts of bugs that you’ve killed. i wish i could unread this.
mybodyisreadytabi: restarting the whole song because you missed your favorite line.
eeddiee: blueisforscarvesandboxes: david-bui: do you ever just feel so awkward when you buy something and pay in cash and the cashier gives you the change back but you take a few seconds to put the money in your wallet and you can feel the world judging you from afar. I’m glad it isn’t just me. oh my god i thought i was the only one.
sodamnrelatable: will u go out with me thats ok take your time
balthazarse: tweenking: Invention Idea: An alarm clock that keeps screaming “WHAT TEAM?!” and the only way to turn it off is to scream “WILDCATS!” in response, bonus points if it yells back at you ‘GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME’